


Keep Us Like A Secret

by youresoawkward



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Barebacking, Bi-Gender Character(s), Bigender Zayn, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Feminization, Fluff, Gender Fluid Zayn, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Shaving, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-05-01 01:21:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5186825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youresoawkward/pseuds/youresoawkward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Oh, Zayn,” Liam half-groans, half-coos. “Don’t be upset, babe. I’m just playing.” Liam leans forward to place the laptop onto the coffee table with one arm, while reaching toward Zayn with the other, hand circling Zayn’s wrist, gently tugging to get Zayn to move into Liam’s waiting arms for a cuddle. Except, Zayn can’t move. He’s frozen, looking at the laptop – his laptop – sitting open on the last page he’d visited.</p><p>He feels his heart rate pick up as he stares at the screen, picture of a busty woman in lacy lingerie featured prominently on the webpage next to the sizing, pricing, and colour options for the bra and panties she’s wearing. </p><p>--</p><p>Or, Liam discovers Zayn's interest in women's underclothes, and helps Zayn explore a side of himself that he's been making a conscious effort to ignore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Us Like A Secret

**Author's Note:**

> so i've been working on this fic off and on for a while but then zayn blessed us with his titties-out selfie and i just felt so inspired i had to finish it. i hope everyone enjoys :)
> 
>  
> 
> title's from against me!'s 'the disco before the breakdown.'

Zayn wipes his hands on the towel hanging off the oven door before setting the dishwasher and pressing the start button. Tonight it’s his turn to clean up after dinner; Liam having made his way to the lounge when they were done eating, while Zayn cleared the table and cleaned the kitchen.

He can hear the telly playing quietly in the other room, canned laughter filtering through the house. After he’s done in the kitchen, he stops at the dining table to collect the unfinished wine bottle and his glass, then makes his way into the living room where Liam’s curled up on the couch, computer open on his lap.

Liam lifts his eyes to meet Zayn’s when he walks into the room, and he greets Zayn with a wide, almost manic smile. Liam keeps his eyes trained on Zayn as he walks to the coffee table where Liam’s near empty wine glass sits. Zayn eyes Liam suspiciously back as he tops off Liam’s glass with the rest of the wine and settles at the other end of the sofa. Taking a sip from his own glass with Liam’s gaze still on him.

“Thanks,” Liam tells him, grin sharp, making Liam look uncharacteristically wolfish.

“Welcome,” Zayn replies slowly, confusion creasing his brow and Liam continues to just smile at him in a way that makes Zayn feel like he’s missed the joke, or like maybe he’s the butt of the joke. “What?!”

Liam descends into giggles at that, smile wide and eyes crinkled, and normally Zayn would find giggly Liam endearing, but instead he’s just annoyed at being out left of the loop.

Zayn rolls his eyes and focuses on the telly, “Whatever.”

“Oh, Zayn,” Liam half-groans, half-coos. “Don’t be upset, babe. I’m just playing.” Liam leans forward to place the laptop onto the coffee table with one arm, while reaching toward Zayn with the other, hand circling Zayn’s wrist, gently tugging to get Zayn to move into Liam’s waiting arms for a cuddle. Except, Zayn can’t move. He’s frozen, looking at the laptop – _his laptop_ – sitting open on the last page he’d visited.

He feels his heart rate pick up as he stares at the screen, picture of a busty woman in lacy lingerie featured prominently on the webpage next to the sizing, pricing, and colour options for the bra and panties she’s wearing. His throat feels dry, and his stomach plummets as it sinks in – the reason Liam was laughing, _laughing at Zayn_ – and he uselessly tries to wet his mouth with a sip of his wine.

“Why’re you using my computer?” Zayn questions, trying to keep his voice neutral, determined to play it off if he can and thanking god that his embarrassment had stopped him from actually placing the panties he was looking at into his cart.

Liam gives up on trying to pull Zayn closer and shuffles over the cushions towards him instead, plucking the wine glass out of his hands to set it on the coffee table. Liam shrugs, “‘Cause mine is in the other room and I didn’t feel like getting it.” He wraps an arm around Zayn’s shoulders, pulling him close and nuzzling his smile against Zayn’s cheek. “Didn’t think I’d find such risqué wank material when I decided to use yours. Reminds me of when I used to steal Nic’s Victoria’s Secret catalogue to toss off to when I was twelve,” Liam giggles again, and the tight ball of fear in Zayn’s chest dissipates a bit at Liam’s words.

Zayn forces himself to laugh as well, “You caught me.”

“This website’s, like, the last twenty-five pages in your history, babe.” Liam presses a chaste kiss to Zayn’s stubbled cheek. “You really like getting off to women in lingerie that much?” Liam asks, voice soft but still teasing.

“Fuck off.” He doesn’t mean to get defensive, but he can’t stand to have this conversation right now, so he stands up from the sofa, shutting the lid on his laptop and scooping it up. “I’m going to bed.”

“It’s only 8:30,” Liam argues. “Zayn, c’mon! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it!”

“Goodnight, Liam,” Zayn calls over his shoulder, walking to their bedroom and shutting the door.

///

It’s hours later when Zayn hears Liam creeping into the bedroom; hours where Zayn’s been trying to fall asleep, intermittently mixed with messing around on his phone. His irritation long since passed, knowing that Liam’s teasing is so off-base that he should feel relieved, not annoyed.

Liam shuffles around the room without turning on the lights, disappearing into the bathroom before reemerging a few minutes later to crawl into bed next to Zayn. Zayn keeps his eyes closed, listening to Liam settling in.

They lay in silence and Zayn feels tiredness finally blanketing him until he’s on the verge of sleep. But before he can, a strong arm wraps around his waist from behind, Liam’s chest pressing against his back under the covers, and his lips coming to rest on the back of Zayn’s neck. Contentment seeps into Zayn’s bones and he laces their fingers together where Liam’s hand rests over Zayn’s chest.

“‘M sorry,” Liam whispers into Zayn’s skin.

“Don’t be. ‘S fine,” Zayn whispers back, unsure if Liam even needs to be asking for his forgiveness, but giving it to him anyway.

Quietness envelops them and Zayn breathes a small sigh of relief as he again tries to find sleep.

“‘S okay, yeah? Getting off to women still. Like, I get it,” Liam tells him quietly, like he’s carrying on a conversation they’d been having.

“Just drop it, Liam. Please.”

“If – if you wanted to, like, be with someone else, ya know? We could – we could talk about it. If that’s what you need, then we could talk about it,” Liam says, moving lips grazing Zayn’s neck as he speaks and ignoring Zayn’s request to let it go.

“No, Liam,” Zayn tells him firmly, trying to turn in Liam’s arms but finding himself unable to move in Liam’s tight grasp. He turns his head instead, mouth pressed to Liam’s hairline. “I don’t want that.”

“Are you sure?” Liam presses, insecurity leaching into his voice and making guilt sit heavy in Zayn’s gut.

Zayn wiggles in Liam’s tight hold until he can turn to face him directly, and even in the darkness of the room Zayn can make out the deep crease of his brow. “I’m positive. I don’t want that,” Zayn repeats, soft but forceful.

“Okay,” Liam nods. “But. But if you–”

“Christ, Liam. Stop,” Zayn begs, frustration bubbling inside of him. “I wasn’t even looking at the women!” The confession seems to echo around the quiet room and Zayn immediately wishes he could stuff the words back into his mouth.

Liam is silent for a moment, confusion still etched into his features, and Zayn searches his mind for something he can say that will explain away his declaration.

“I don’t understand. What were you looking at then?”

Blood rises to his cheeks and Zayn knows it’s time to admit defeat. “The lingerie,” he breathes out, eyes closed to avoid Liam’s scrutiny. Zayn’s heart pounds in his chest as he waits for Liam to say something, anything. Liam’s previous ramblings exchanged for quiet thoughtfulness, much to Zayn’s dismay.

“Oh,” Liam finally says, voice small. “Who? Who’re you—”

“For me, Liam,” Zayn says quickly, not wanting to hear the rest of Liam’s thought. “I was looking at them for me.”

Liam is quiet again and Zayn just wants to bury himself under the blankets for the next one hundred years until the shame of this moment dies, but he settles for pressing his face to Liam’s chest. “Can we just forget about this now?”

Strong arms immediately wrap around him and hold him close. “Are you saying you wanna wear the lingerie?” Liam asks, and Zayn nods against his chest. “ _Fuck_.”

“Shit, Liam. I know it’s so fucked. I’m sorry, I just—”

“Have you ever done it?” Liam says over Zayn’s frantic apologies. “Worn women’s underclothes?”

When Zayn doesn’t answer, Liam runs a hand through his hair, laying a light kiss upon the top of his head. “It’s okay, babe. You can tell me.”

“No. Not—not underclothes.”

“Then what?” Liam prods and Zayn can feel his walls start to crumble, despite the years that he’s been hiding this secret from everyone. Trying to bury away the urges he’s felt since he was young and being relatively successful at doing so; his need to pick it up again coming more strongly only over the last few months.

Liam lays another kiss against Zayn’s hair, silently waiting and Zayn suddenly wants to tell him, because he’s been carrying this around for so long on his own that it might actually be a relief to get it off his chest.

“When I was young,” Zayn starts, feeding off the comfort he feels with his face pressed tight to Liam’s chest and Liam’s hand kneading gently against his scalp, “my sister would dress me up in her clothes and put make-up on me. And we would do these fashion shows for me mum.”

“My sisters dressed me up too, babe. It’s not—”

“Yeah, but I liked it. A lot,” Zayn carries on forcefully. “I did it without Doniya around. I used to steal her clothes when she was out of the house. Put on her skirts and shit. I’d steal her make-up, too. I’d get all dressed up and then just stare at myself in the mirror...”

“God, Zayn,” Liam says.

“I know! I’m a freak,” he laughs, low and bitter. “Is there any chance that we can forget this conversation ever happened?”

Liam’s hand leaves Zayn’s hair and presses lightly against his face, wordlessly asking for Zayn to look up. When Zayn relents he’s met with Liam’s serious gaze, “You’re not a freak, Zayn. Please don’t ever say that, okay?” And his face is so earnest that Zayn finds himself nodding in agreement. “Can we talk about this more, maybe? Will you tell me what you like about it?”

“Liam,” Zayn pleads.

“Please, Zayn. Tell me? Like. If you really don’t want to then we can drop it, but I want you to feel like you can talk to me about this. I wanna understand.”

It’s always been hard for Zayn to deny Liam and he takes a calming breath before giving in. “Fuck, I don’t even know. It’s just… it feels good? I guess? I like the way women look, ya know? All soft and smooth. And I wanna feel those things, too. Feel pretty, like.” Zayn’s rambling, he knows, but he doesn’t know how to explain it to Liam. He barely understands it himself, just knows that it’s this thing that he’s felt for as long as he can remember. “I know it’s dumb, but—”

“It’s not. Zayn, it’s not dumb,” Liam cuts him off, kissing Zayn briefly before speaking again. “I love you so much, babe. Always. Nothing you feel is dumb and nothing you tell me could make me feel differently about you. Okay?”

Zayn is the one leaning in for a kiss at that, pushing his face up to slot their lips together, feeling overwhelmed with relief and affection. “Thank you,” Zayn says against Liam’s lips. “Thank you for not freaking out.”

Liam kisses him again, chaste, and Zayn relaxes against his pillow, the need to sleep truly catching up with him and finally pulling him under.

///

They don’t talk about it again the next day. Or the day after. Or the day after that, and Zayn starts to think that Liam may never bring the subject up again. The worst part is that Zayn’s not sure if he’s relieved or disappointed by Liam’s silence.

It’s the fourth day after Zayn’s confession when Liam comes home late from a day of meetings with several boxes in his hands and a shy smile on his face. He sits next to Zayn on the sofa and sets the boxes onto the coffee table, taking the book Zayn’s reading out of his hands and carefully keeping Zayn’s page with a bookmark before setting it aside.

“Can we talk?” Liam asks, and Zayn agrees with a nod, shifting on the sofa so that he’s facing Liam. “So. I, um, bought you some things today.” He picks up one of the boxes and presents it to Zayn, teeth nibbling his bottom lip and hands shaking with apprehension.

Zayn reaches for the plain box, already sure he knows what’s inside, but feeling the nerves in his stomach flutter regardless. He takes the lid off and pushes the delicate tissue paper aside to reveal several lacy sets of undergarments, bras and panties that match. It’s overwhelming, to see them in front of him and know that they’re _his_. That Liam bought them for him to wear, and all he can do is gaze at them, fingers running over the rough lace and soft satin, feeling a bit awed that this is really happening.

“I know that we didn’t really talk about this, and if you don’t want them I can take them back. Or you can keep them, but, like, don’t feel like you have to wear them for me if you don’t want to. Or that you have to wear them at all,” Liam tells him, rushed and a bit fumbled.

“No, don’t take them back,” Zayn says softly, not looking away from his gift. “I love them. I want to wear them.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I do,” Zayn tells him, finally looking at Liam to give him a small smile, still feeling slightly embarrassed but also relieved that Liam is embracing this; embracing him.

Liam smiles at him then, eyes crinkling at the corners and mouth open. “Good. I got something else for you too.” He reaches for the second package, bigger than the first and heavier when he swaps it out for the box in Zayn’s lap. “If you don’t like this, it’s fine. I just— well, you said something, the other night, that made me think you might want to do this too, but if you don’t I under—”

“Liam,” Zayn says. “Let me open it first, babe. Before you start freaking out.”

“Yeah. Okay,” Liam nods, biting his lip once more as Zayn opens the box to reveal several expensive-looking razors and various creams and oils. Zayn’s surprised by the offering and heat pools in his belly as he contemplates Liam having gone out of his way to buy this for him.

When the silence continues to stretch between them Liam nervously fills it. “You said you liked that the women looked smooth, so I thought maybe you’d want to be that way too. But if—”

“No. This. This is good,” Zayn says over Liam’s explanation. “Thank you, Liam. For everything.” It’s all Zayn can think to say, thankful that he has this amazing, considerate person in his life, and not knowing how to adequately express his gratitude.

A relieved smile breaks across Liam’s face. “You don’t have to thank me.”

“Yes, I do.” Zayn leans forward, pressing a lingering kiss to Liam’s lips before pulling away. “Can we use this? Now?” he asks, lifting the box of shave products.

“You,” Liam starts, brow furrowed. “You want me to help?”

“Only if you want to,” Zayn says, feeling his cheeks heat again and he wonders if talking about this is ever going to get easier.

Liam nods and gathers the boxes up before leading Zayn to the bathroom, depositing everything on the counter by the sink. He runs the tap, fiddling with the dials until warm water pours out. “Hold on, love. I need to get something,” he tells Zayn before exiting the bathroom, coming back a moment later with a large bowl. He fills it with warm water and turns off the tap.

Zayn watches quietly as Liam continues to set everything up. Assembling the razors and opening the creams. Pulling out towels and washcloths, and setting everything neatly on the bench that takes up the far wall of their large walk-in shower. He then turns to Zayn, hands moving to the hem of his shirt and tugging it over Zayn’s head when he lifts his arms. Zayn’s loose sweats and briefs follow next and Liam rids himself of his own clothes quickly as well. “Go on, sit on the bench, babe.”

Zayn does, the tile cold against his skin, making him shiver slightly. Liam follows him into the shower, bowl of water in hand and kneels in front of Zayn, setting the water next to him.

“You sure about this?” Liam asks, damp hands tickling up Zayn’s calves.

Zayn nods his assent as anticipation builds in his chest.

Liam starts slowly, running a warm, wet cloth over his right leg, then his left. Next, he rubs thick cream against Zayn’s skin, massaging lightly as he goes, before choosing the straight razor to drag across Zayn’s skin in short, even swipes. Liam rinses the razor in the warm water between each pass, cleaning the blade before carrying on.

Gentle fingers move Zayn’s limbs to where Liam needs them, and the repetitive swipe of the sharp blade against his skin lulls Zayn until he’s leaning his head back against the shower wall. Liam wipes each new, bare patch of Zayn’s skin with the wet towel, ridding him of excess product, the cloth feeling rough against his now smooth skin.

Liam is careful when he drags the blade against the insides of Zayn’s sensitive thighs, kissing over the newly-shaven skin as it’s revealed. He pushes Zayn’s legs back against his chest and pulls Zayn’s hips forward to expose the backs of his thighs, so he can slowly slide the blade against the skin there.

Zayn keeps his eyes open, watching Liam work, until Zayn’s legs are bare of both the fragrant cream and his dark hair, and his prick is half-hard against his hip.

Liam runs his hands up the backs of Zayn’s thighs, stopping beneath his knees and spreading Zayn more, cheeks parted and hole exposed. “How far can I go, babe?”

He wants Liam to shave him bare, but he’s having trouble finding the words, only able to whimper in response.

Liam dips his head down, lips trailing over the insides of Zayn’s thighs, first one side, then the other, pausing in the middle to suck lightly at Zayn’s entrance. “Want me to shave your pussy, baby?” Liam asks, voice low.

“ _Fuck_ , Liam,” Zayn moans.

“Is that a ‘yes’?”

“Yes,” Zayn whispers, eyes closing.

“Hold yourself open for me,” Liam commands, squeezing behind his knees before letting go and allowing Zayn’s hands to rest there instead, keeping himself spread.

More of the cream is spread over Zayn’s body. Liam is gentle around his sensitive hole, making sure to keep it to his skin, and using deliberate strokes to remove the hair there. “You’re doing so well, baby. Being so good for me,” Liam tells him, moving on to spread more cream to Zayn’s balls and up through the dark hair on his tummy.

Liam doesn’t stop scraping the sharp blade over Zayn’s skin until Zayn’s smooth from the waist down and completely hard, cock leaking precum against his stomach from Liam’s gentle ministrations. Muscles shaking from the effort of holding himself still.

When Liam’s finished, he pulls Zayn under the shower head, turning the handle and letting the warm water pour over them, rinsing the excess shave cream from his skin. Every touch against his freshly shaved skin feels new, the water soft and caressing, while the hair on Liam’s legs rough and tickling.

“You’re hard,” Zayn muses, surprised to see that this is affecting Liam the same way it’s affecting him. A slow smile spreads on Liam’s face at Zayn’s words and he leans in to press their lips together, hands palming Zayn’s thighs.

“Fuck, Zayn. Your skin’s so soft. Feels so good.” Liam backs Zayn up to the shower wall, tiles cool against his back despite the warmth of the water pouring above them. Rough hands grip his thighs tight before Liam is lifting Zayn off the floor and Zayn wraps his legs around Liam’s hips, the response automatic.

Their wet cocks slip against each other, Liam pressing their hips together slowly, and sucking tender kisses into Zayn’s neck. He ruts against Zayn, letting his length slide over the shaved skin of Zayn’s groin, soft skin pressing against soft skin.

They rock against each other until Liam’s coming against Zayn’s hip, teeth digging into the skin of Zayn’s shoulder, and fingers leaving bruises on his thighs. Liam breathes deep in the aftermath, face pressed to Zayn’s skin, but still holding him tight, and Zayn waits patiently, skimming his fingers along Liam’s back.

After a moment Liam readjusts his hold on Zayn so he can wrap a firm hand around his still hard prick, tugging quickly. “C’mon, beautiful. Cum for me, baby,” Liam whispers against his ear. “You’ve been so good. Let go, love. C’mon.”

And Zayn cums, with a small moan and Liam’s body pressed close.

///

Liam dries Zayn slowly after they get clean in the shower, patting him down with a fluffy towel, careful with Zayn’s newly shaved skin. Once they’re dry Zayn opens the box with the bras and panties and he feels his heart rate pick up, looking them over.

He feels Liam press against his back, peering over his shoulder at the box as well. “Are you going to put them on now?” Liam asks curiously, fingers caressing the soft skin of Zayn’s belly.

“Yeah. I want to,” Zayn replies, nervousness sitting in his stomach. “But…can I, um, can I have a minute? Alone?” He meets Liam’s eyes in the mirror over the counter, feeling shy despite everything.

“Of course,” Liam replies, kissing the back of Zayn’s shoulder lightly before padding out the bathroom, towel still around his waist. Liam closes the door behind him and Zayn’s left alone, contemplating the panties.

His fingers are drawn to a silky set, dark green with matching green lacy trim, and he pulls the set out of the box, removing the price tags carefully, not wanting to disturb the delicate fabric. Zayn steps into the panties first, pulling them up his legs, lacy edges caressing his skin. The tight cloth hugs his hips, and the silky material cups his soft cock, holding him firmly in place even where his balls spill out of the sides.

He thinks it should feel monumental, this moment he’s been building up in his head for years, but it’s not. It just feels right, like a piece of him that’s been crooked is slotting into place.

Zayn slides the bra on next, bending his arms awkwardly behind himself to try and get the clasps done up, struggling for a moment before each side comes together properly. The bra cups him tightly and the light padding makes it look like he’s actually got a decent sized pair of tits. He can’t help but massage his chest through the fabric, smiling slightly and pressing the soft material against his stiff nipples.

It’s hard to drag his eyes away from his reflection, seeing himself like this in reality feeling better than he’d imagined it would. But he knows he can’t stand in the bathroom all night. Knows that Liam is waiting for him in the next room, waiting to see. Nerves erupt in his stomach at the thought of walking into the room like this.

Instead, he pulls on his discarded t-shirt and trackies, takes a breath, and leaves the bathroom. Liam looks up from his phone when Zayn comes in, eyes scanning Zayn’s frame but his face carefully neutral.

“Alright, love?”

“Yeah,” Zayn says, making his way to his side of the bed and kneeling onto it. “Felt weird, like. T’ just walk out here in ‘em.”

“That’s okay,” Liam says with a small smile. “Don’t feel like you have to wear them around me, babe.”

“No, I want to. If – if you want me to, I mean,” Zayn pauses, fingers pulling at the hem of his shirt and looking at Liam for reassurance, getting it when Liam nods his agreement. “Can we just…can you turn the light off?”

Liam leans over to the lamp on the bed side table and turns it off, throwing them into darkness. The blackness impenetrable while Zayn’s eyes struggle to adjust to the sudden lack of light and he uses the dark to garner his courage and lift his t-shirt over his head, throwing it onto the floor. When he shimmies out of his sweats, he gets under the duvet with Liam, unable to tell if Liam was able to see him strip in the dark and not wanting to ask.

He can feel Liam shift next to him before he’s reaching for Zayn under the blankets. Zayn goes easy for him, letting Liam wrap his arm around his back and pillowing his head on Liam’s chest, soft underclothes pressing against Liam’s naked skin.

“I’m proud of you, Zayn,” Liam whispers into his hair.

Zayn scoffs, not feeling like telling your boyfriend that you want to wear women’s pants is something to be proud of.

“Don’t,” Liam says forcefully before Zayn can make a sarcastic remark. “Don’t do that, Zayn. I mean it. I’m so proud of you. Don’t put yourself down about it. You being honest with me is so, so brave.”

A burst of emotion rises in his chest and all he can do is nod and cuddle deeper into Liam’s side, not trusting his voice to stay even enough to speak.

Liam isn’t fazed by Zayn’s silence, just continues to hold him close, until Zayn’s relaxed enough to fall asleep.

///

“You gonna be here soon?” Zayn asks for the third time since their call started, eager for Liam to make it home.

“I’m like two minutes away,” Liam tells him with a laugh. “What’s got you so worked up?”

“I’m not worked up. I’m just happier when you’re home, so get here.”

“The car is pulling up the drive right now. That good enough?”

“Almost,” Zayn replies, ending the call.

Truth is, he is a bit worked up, anxiety balling in his stomach, making him feel antsy. He’s been planning this all day, talking himself into it, psyching himself up. Ever since he woke this morning in an empty bed, Liam having disappeared to the studio or a meeting or god knows where, Zayn’s been planning it. And the longer it takes Liam to get home, the more he feels like he wants to scrap the idea all together.

Liam enters the house with a cacophony of noise, kicking his shoes off against the wall and dropping his bag loudly in the foyer, causing their usually lazy dogs to run to him, jumping and barking with excitement. Zayn watches from the living room with interest, waiting his turn for Liam’s attention.

When Liam catches Zayn watching him his eyes light up and he gives each pup a final pat before opening the door to let them run happily into the gated compound, before closing the door and making his way to stand before Zayn. “D’you miss me today or something?” Liam asks with a smirk, hands coming up to cup Zayn’s face.

“Or something.”

“You shaved your face,” Liam states, palms swiping along Zayn’s jaw.

“Yeah. Do you not like it?”

“I love it,” Liam says, thumb grazing Zayn’s bottom lip, pulling it free from the nervous bite Zayn’s teeth have trapped it in. “You’re always gorgeous, babe.”

Zayn’s eyes slip shut as he tips his head back enough to let Liam lean in to bring their lips together. The rough scrape of Liam’s stubble burns against Zayn’s smooth face, skin not used to being so vulnerable and pinking a bit as Liam kisses him deep.

Liam backs them up, pulling Zayn with him until Liam’s knees meet the loveseat and he collapses into it, drawing Zayn into his lap so that his legs bracket Liam’s thighs. Zayn kisses him again, sucking gently on Liam’s plump bottom lip while Liam runs his hands up Zayn’s back, under his shirt.

“Shit, Zayn,” Liam groans, breaking the kiss. “You’re wearing ‘em?” His fingers run along the delicate straps that cut across Zayn’s back, already knowing the answer.

Zayn nods. “Is that okay?” he asks, feeling unsure about where the line is.

“Fuck yes it’s okay.” Liam leans up again to capture Zayn’s lips in a brief kiss. “Can I see?”

Zayn agrees with a soft _yes_ and Liam pulls Zayn’s t-shirt over his head with haste, exposing the black lace bra circling his chest.

“Zayn,” Liam hums, hands immediately coming to rest over the small cups, thumbs pressing against Zayn’s nipples, dark nubs visible through the lace. Liam’s hands knead against his chest, pushing each handful together, giving Zayn enough cleavage for Liam to press his face against. He breathes deep against Zayn’s skin and licks along the line made by his newly formed breasts.

When Liam pulls his face back he looks drugged, pupils large and eyelids heavy. “Look so beautiful right now,” he says, voice pitched low and with a rough tinge. “Wanna suck your tits, baby. You want that?”

Zayn wants to answer proper but all he can manage is leaning forward until Liam’s mouth finds one of his nipples, lapping gentle with his tongue through the lace before scraping his teeth over the nub. He sucks against Zayn’s nipple until it’s puffy and swollen with blood, then moves on to the other side to do the same.

Zayn mewls at the attention, dick hard in the panties he’s wearing under his sweats, and grinding his hips against Liam’s, looking for friction.

Liam finally pulls back from his now sensitive chest, trailing his lips up Zayn’s neck. “Can we take these off too, love?” He whispers into Zayn’s ear, fingers running along the band of his sweatpants.

Zayn gets out of Liam’s lap to push the loose bottoms down his legs, careful to not take the panties with them. Zayn stands in front of Liam once he’s kicked the sweats away, no longer worried that Liam isn’t as in to this as he is. The panties do little to hide his hardness where it stands stiff against his belly, the tip wet and poking out above the lacy hem. Liam’s eyes rove over Zayn’s body, hungry, the intensity of his stare making Zayn shiver.

“C’mere,” Liam commands, reaching out to help Zayn resume his position in his lap. He tugs Zayn closer, slotting their lips together again and palming against Zayn’s straining cock. The lace is rough on his sensitive skin, but the pressure is perfect where Liam is gripping him, more precum collecting at his tip. Liam strokes him steady through the panties and rests his lips against the shell of Zayn’s ear. “So beautiful, baby. You’ve got me so hot for you. Can’t wait to spread you out on the bed. Get my mouth on your smooth pussy. Lick you out ‘til you’re screaming for me to stop.” Liam squeezes harder, Zayn’s hips jerking against Liam’s grasp. “Want that, baby girl?”

Zayn groans in response, unable to speak with Liam’s hand on his cock and the fingers of his free hand pushing under the hem of Zayn’s panties to dip between the heat of his cheeks. The hand on Zayn’s prick stutters to a halt when Liam’s fingers try to push against his hole, finding smooth metal instead.

“What’s this?” Liam says with a smirk, fingers pushing hard against the end of the plug nestled inside of him. “Couldn’t wait for me, baby?”

“No,” Zayn denies quickly. “No. Wanted to be ready for you.”

“That right?” Liam questions, twisting the plug so it rubs against Zayn’s insides, making him squirm in Liam’s lap. “Your pussy already wet for me, love? Dripping and ready for me cock?”

“Yes,” Zayn whimpers.

Liam takes his hands away from Zayn long enough to undo his jeans and push them and his pants down his thighs. Zayn lifts his hips, helping Liam get the jeans down to his ankles before settling back in Liam’s lap. Liam spits in his hand, stroking himself a handful of times to distribute the slick.

Liam uses one hand to pull Zayn’s panties to the side while his other hand finds the base of the plug again. He pulls the toy out gently, Zayn’s rim stretching around its width, before fucking the warm metal back into Zayn before it can completely clear his body.

“Leeyum, don’t tease,” Zayn begs, ready to feel Liam inside of him.

The toy is removed from him with a final tug and Liam drops it onto the sofa before bringing a finger back to Zayn’s wet hole, teasing against it then cupping Zayn’s cheeks and guiding him until the swollen tip of Liam’s dick is pressing against him. “This what you need, baby girl?” Liam asks as Zayn sinks onto his cock, his length hard and unyielding inside Zayn. Somehow feeling more unforgiving than the metal of the plug. “That’s it, love. Taking me so well. Pussy’s so greedy for my cock,” Liam whispers when Zayn settles fully in his lap.

“Fuck, Liam,” he moans, Liam’s words making his stomach swoop with pleasure. They sit for a moment, neither of them moving, just breathing against each other until Liam twitches his hips up, urging Zayn to move. Zayn does, his movements deliberate, working Liam’s cock into himself slowly, reveling in the thick feel of it.

Liam leans heavily against the back of the sofa, hands massaging against Zayn’s chest through his bra while Zayn rides him. “C’mon, babe. Faster. Wanna see you bouncing on me,” Liam presses.

Their skin slaps roughly together as Zayn fucks his hips down faster, finding the angle that makes pleasure shoot up his spine and repeating the movement until he feels the pressure of his orgasm start to build deep in his belly. His thighs are burning with the effort of keeping up his rhythm, but Liam’s dick feels so good pushing into him that he ignores the pain to continue chasing his release.

Liam’s hand dips under the lace of his panties, finally taking hold of Zayn’s length without the barrier of the lace. He thumbs over the wet head and Zayn cries out at the sensation. “Does my pretty girl like it when I rub her clit?” he asks, swiping over Zayn’s tip again, and again, until Zayn’s orgasm washes over him in waves, cum coating Liam’s knuckles.

He slumps against Liam’s chest when the last shocks of his orgasm run out and Liam wraps his arms tightly across Zayn’s back, holding him firm and fucking into Zayn with a few hard thrusts before he’s releasing deep inside of him.

“Christ, that was perfect,” Liam whispers, mouth searching for Zayn’s. They kiss with slow lips and soft tongues until Zayn is breathless from it. “Thank you.”

“Why’re you thanking me? I should be thanking you," Zayn says through his laboured breathing.

Liam shakes his head in the negative. “Thank _you_ for trusting me enough to let me see you like this. I don’t know what I did to get lucky enough to be with someone as beautiful and special as you, but I swear Zayn, I would do anything to make you happy. Because you make me so happy, babe, just by being you.”

Zayn is speechless, overwhelmed for a moment by emotion.

“God, that was cheesy. Sorry,” Liam laughs, eyes dropping and shrugging his laugh against his shoulder.

“No. Not cheesy. Never cheesy.” Zayn kisses him softly. “Thank you, babe.”

Zayn has always been awed by Liam’s sincerity regarding his feelings, but it still knocks the wind out of him listening to Liam’s words. The years of built up fear and anxiety over his urges soothed slightly by the amount of love and acceptance he knows Liam holds for him.

And for the first time that Zayn can remember, he feels like he might be on the road to accepting himself as well.

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh, sorry for the terrible ending! also, i didn't mean for this fic to send the message that you need another person to validate you before you can accept yourself, it just so happens that here liam helps zayn see his 'problem' as something positive for the first time. 
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading and please, please, please tell me how you feel about this. constructive criticism is always welcome :)
> 
> [tumblr](http://bisexvalziam.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [tumblr drabbles](http://youresoawkward.tumblr.com/)


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